Friday Phone Dump

Our Week in an Instagram

Pregnancy and Infant loss Remembrance Day

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear 
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- e. e. cummings ~

October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

This day is important.  Not because we need a day to remember Ruthie and Imogene,  In fact, the title would seem a bit off to any of us who are parents of angels.  Remembrance implies they have been forgotten, when in contrary, I can't think of a time in the last almost 3 months that they have not been on our minds.  

Eventually after a loss you begin to act "normal".  People assume that must mean you have "moved on".  Truth is, you never move on.  A part of you is always with them, in that day, hurting and wishing things would have been different.  You act normal because you learn to live with the hurt.  I read somewhere in much of the reading, exploring, and searching I did after we lost the girls, a quote that said 

"So this is my life.  And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be"  The Perks of Being a Wallflower

That is true.  There is this part of us that will always be sad, but we have chosen to find the things through this experience that can make us happy.

For me, it's every time the sky turns pink.  I think of our sweet girls and I get happy.  I love it.  It can stop me in my tracks.  I have pulled over on more than one occasion to photograph a beautifully pink sky.

  

We are also so extremely fortunate to have our kiddos who bring us a ton of joy.  They are amazing little people.  I love that Charlotte talks about the girls.  She will ask to pray to them, which is always sweet, but hands down my favorite is when she sings songs to/about them.  

We commemorated our girls tonight by participating in the wave of light.  They ask people to remember those that have been lost or suffered a loss by lighting a candle at 7pm, creating a constant wave of light around the world.  We lit a double wick candle for our twin girls.  

Say a prayer tonight, and every night, for those you know who have lost children through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death.  There are more Mommies and Daddies of angles out there than you might know.

Friday Phone Dump

Our Week in an Instagram

Vala's Pumpkin Patch 2012

Fact 1:  I love pumpkin patches

Fact 2:  Omaha has one of the top ten zoos in the country.  They also have one of the top ten pumpkin patches in the country.

Fact 3:  We go to the pumpkin patch every year but often don't make it to the zoo.  

This pumpkin patch is freakin' awesome.  

This last weekend we made out annual trip to Vala's.  Jim was playing in a charity golf game in eastern Iowa so my Mom went with me and the kids.

We happened to run into my cousin Nicole.  Love this girl!

I honestly think that Vala's is a little bit magical.  Is there anything better than revisiting all of the best nursery rhymes and fairytales?

It's true.  Vala's rocks.

 It's a good thing that there are so many pumpkins throughout all the fun because we actually never made it on the hayride out to the patch, and we were there for hours.  By the time we got to it it was just too cold and we were all beat.

 You see, before we were ready for that we brewed up some witches brew...

And measured "how tall this fall"...

 Stoked a pretend fire....

 Rode a pony....

 Ate snacks, watched some performers, met a witch, bought caramel apples, indulged in cotton candy, pretended to be a cowgirl, played with rocks, crawled, ran, played, and got absolutely filthy.

Totally the best.  If you are in the Des Moines area, yes, it is worth the drive to go to Vala's.  Simply the best pumpkin patch ever.

Too Much Jake and the Neverland Pirates?

Charlotte:  Sometimes I miss Ruthie and Imogene

Me:  I know Sweetie, I miss them too.

Charlotte:  Well I guess they are up in Heaven where they have lots of things to eat, like apples, and lots of stuff to play, and things to do.

Me:  Definitely.

Charlotte:  But sometimes if we miss them we can just look at this statue of them cause they are, just kind of, pretend babies.

Me:  Well no, they aren't pretend babies honey.  They are real babies that were growing in Mommy's tummy but they died.

Charlotte:  Oh, how did they die?

Me:  They just got all tangled up with each other and passed away.

Charlotte:  Hmm...that's not how I think they died.

Me:  Oh, how do you think they died?

Charlotte:  Well sometimes when people get a cannonball shot at them they die so I think they must have died from a cannonball.

Friday Phone Dump

Our Week in an Instagram.  

Tough Week

This last week has been tough.  If there is something I have learned in this journey it's that I would never wish this on anyone.  I would never want someone to know this kind of pain, and it is unfortunate that far too many of us in this world do.

On Friday the 21st I had a family photo session that seriously blew many of my other sessions out of the water.  They were fun and full of life.  Mom and Dad were sweet as can be and their two boys were not only cuties, but hilarious as well.  Best of all, a girl was to be joining their family soon as Mom was about 36 weeks pregnant.

I will let you read more about their journey here, but to say my heart broke all over again would be an understatement.  After a routine check-up which resulted in the discovery of a rare malformation in her brain, with hope baby Kate was brought into this world on Friday, September 28th.  She was taken immediately into a 6 hour brain surgery.  The following day she experienced complications from surgery and passed away a mere 26 hours after being born.

My heart broke.  After what we went through, and what they have gone through, you hear a lot "I just can't imagine what you're going through" or "I just don't know what to say".  Those are very fortunate things to hear because knowing means you have experienced this pain.

I spent a lot of time overwhelming myself with the despair that this amazing family would have to know how this feels.  When I heard their news, and with every update I got from Betsy I prayed so hard hoping they would experience a miracle.  I feel like we bonded very quickly and whole heartedly believe that sometimes we are put in people lives for a reason.  We both felt it was very serendipitous that they chose me as their photographer, and I certainly feel honored to have captured their family of 5.

Please keep this family in your prayers as the days ahead will be very difficult.  I am sure that our girls will be playing together and knowing that makes life on this side of Heaven a little bit brighter.

Fall in our Front Yard

Seriously, who doesn't love fall?  I think it would be a consensus around here that Iowa is having one of the most beautiful falls in recent years.

The colors are vibrant and turning slowly letting us savor every sweet new color.  The last few years it seems to practically happen in a weekend.  A few years ago we went out of town for a weekend and when we left our trees were full of leaves.  We came back two days later and after a cold, windy weekend our trees were literally bare.  

Not this year!  This year it is amazing.  We spent Monday afternoon savoring the goodness.  

While Oliver napped we played outside.  It was one of the few warm days we have left and we enjoyed every warm degree, tank tops, flip flops and all.

But there was no doubt it was fall, especially as the bus came rumbling down our street.

This is turning out to be the season of rejuvenation that our souls needed around here.  Here's to savoring all the moments this fall will allow.