Monday, October 15, 2012

Pregnancy and Infant loss Remembrance Day

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear 
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

- e. e. cummings ~

October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

This day is important.  Not because we need a day to remember Ruthie and Imogene,  In fact, the title would seem a bit off to any of us who are parents of angels.  Remembrance implies they have been forgotten, when in contrary, I can't think of a time in the last almost 3 months that they have not been on our minds.  

Eventually after a loss you begin to act "normal".  People assume that must mean you have "moved on".  Truth is, you never move on.  A part of you is always with them, in that day, hurting and wishing things would have been different.  You act normal because you learn to live with the hurt.  I read somewhere in much of the reading, exploring, and searching I did after we lost the girls, a quote that said 

"So this is my life.  And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be"  The Perks of Being a Wallflower

That is true.  There is this part of us that will always be sad, but we have chosen to find the things through this experience that can make us happy.

For me, it's every time the sky turns pink.  I think of our sweet girls and I get happy.  I love it.  It can stop me in my tracks.  I have pulled over on more than one occasion to photograph a beautifully pink sky.
We are also so extremely fortunate to have our kiddos who bring us a ton of joy.  They are amazing little people.  I love that Charlotte talks about the girls.  She will ask to pray to them, which is always sweet, but hands down my favorite is when she sings songs to/about them.  

We commemorated our girls tonight by participating in the wave of light.  They ask people to remember those that have been lost or suffered a loss by lighting a candle at 7pm, creating a constant wave of light around the world.  We lit a double wick candle for our twin girls.  

Say a prayer tonight, and every night, for those you know who have lost children through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death.  There are more Mommies and Daddies of angles out there than you might know.

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