While Pregnant

Jim and I spent the large majority of our pregnancy being extremely guarded and cautious.  We told very few people we were expecting because the prospect of having to update a large number of people with every doctors appointment and bit of news seemed too much.  Especially because it felt like many of the people we did tell didn't seem to fully understand the gravity of the situation.  We were scared.  Our doctors were very honest with us (something I would not change) and our doctor appointments were trying, mentally and emotionally.  I was desperately seeking someone to understand the fear.  That never happened.

Somehow, even after we knew that the twins were mono mono for sure, we found ourselves starting to get a bit excited.  We had to go to the baby store to get some organic baby food for Oliver for our vacation.  While we were there we looked at cribs, strollers, and what color car seats we wanted to get.  We started getting hopeful and assuming that things would, of course, turn out in the best case scenario.  I mean, thats how things happen right?

We were still scared of the best case scenario, but I would give anything to be in that position right now.  I could be brought to tears thinking about having to leave Charlotte and Oliver for 6-8 weeks.  I was scared of our babies health having to be born so early.  I was absolutely terrified of the thought that Oliver might somehow get "lost" in the shuffle after the babies were home.  He would be just about 1, and with 2 babies to care for and a 3 year old who has no trouble saying, asking, demanding what she wants, we were both scared that Oliver would be the middle man.

There have been times over this last week that I regret having let my guard down and there are times when I am so absolutely thankful that I did take some time to get excited about their arrival, and not just scared.

Mono-Mono Twins

We were about 8 weeks along when our doctor told us she believed the babies to be mono mono.  The most basic explanation of mono-mono twins is that both babies are sharing one gestational sack, one amniotic sack and one placenta.  It is a very rare way to carry twins, occurring in only about 1 in 60,000 twin pregnancies.

There are a lot of risks involved in a mono mono pregnancy.  The main risk is that with both babies moving around in the same space cord entanglements can happen causing one or both of the babies to lose their blood flow.  The fact we were given from our doctor was the babies survive until birth about 50% of the time.  She told us then that if the babies were mono mono, we would likely be hospitalized at 24 weeks so that the babies could be monitored 100% of the time and if they showed distress they could be immediately delivered.  We were told to consider all of our options before seeing the perinatologist the following Tuesday (the day after Memorial Day).

We came home and did as much "research" as we could.  Some tears were shed, we did a lot talking, considering and thinking.  It was a lot to take in.  One of the hardest parts was that there is not a lot of valid medical information out there about mono mono twins because it is so rare.  There were many stories, both good and bad, and we read many of them.  It was all very scary.  The babies are always delivered at about 32 weeks.  Many had health problems from premature birth, NICU stays and more.  Many also ended up being healthy and happy little ones.  There was so much to think about and it was a very long weekend.

Tuesday came and we had no idea what to expect.  I was afraid to even look at the screen at first.  After a little bit time we finally saw it...a membrane!  It was amazing.  From multiple angles there it was.  We both cried happy tears.  When we walked into the perinatologist office she pulled up the picture on her screen, pointed to the line between the babies, and said "That has to be a membrane.  There is nothing else it could be."  Giant sighs of relief.

A membrane meant that the babies were mono-di.  Same gestational sack, separate amniotic sacks.  That was a huge deal because it removed the risk of cord entanglements, however there would be some different concerns as we went along, but those involved things that were still very scary (like twin to twin transfusion syndrome) but they were also fixable and our doctors were committed to keeping us very closely monitored.

We walked out of that office so thankful, yet still very scared about the idea of adding two babies to our family.  Even so it was fantastic to not have to make a difficult decision and to hope that the pregnancy would go much more smoothly.  We spent a little time talking and even decided to book a vacation, to Disney World, because we weren't sure after the babies came when exactly we would be able to do something like that.

The euphoria was relatively short lived.  A couple weeks later, at our next appointment with the perinatologist, they began with the standard ultrasound.  It went on and on and on.  They couldn't find a membrane.  We had 3 different ultrasound techs, plus our specialist, scanning at one point or another.  They scanned internally, externally and every which way.  They couldn't find it.

They were unsure what that meant at that point.  They couldn't make any final decisions just then as to how we were carrying the twins.  There was a chance that they just weren't seeing it because it was may be too wispy and thin.  There was also the chance that it wasn't there.  I was frustrated because the previous appointment the doctor specifically said "there is nothing else it could be".  Suddenly, they said it could have been an echo, or shadow.  We left very frustrated, but hopeful that the next appointment might show the membrane again.

Twin A Heart Rate

Twin B Heart Rate

The Babies

Two weeks later, after an appt. in the middle with our regular OB that didn't show a change, we visited again with the perinatologist.  The ultrasound began and it was evident pretty quickly, definitely no membrane.  In fact, the little babes were kicking each other, something that could never happen in separate sacks.  We marveled at our babies but were definitely sad with the diagnosis.  This definitely meant a hospital stay, for up to two months, before delivering.  It was super hard on me to consider being away from my two kiddos for that long.  We talked about our options and what everything meant.

The first goal was to get to 24 weeks.  That meant that the babies could be "salvageable" as the doctor said.  At that point we would decide on hospitalization, 100% monitoring, and steroid treatments.  Our Dr. called 28 weeks Mount Everest.  If we could just make it there, the hope was far greater that the babies would survive and eventually be healthy.  I asked if they currently saw any cord entanglements. The answer was no, however they couldn't even find the cord that lead to baby B so it was hard to be sure.  We were also reminded that it can change in an instant.  Not seeing entanglements now was no guarantee for subsequent appoints.  We were reminded, again, that the babies make it to birth about 50% of the time.  All we could do at this point was wait, hope and pray that we would make it.

When I Thought I Was Busy

It's been quite some time since I have been here.  I was under the assumption that my life was too busy. Oliver had just been born, Charlotte was keeping us very busy (and generally very entertained), coupled with my business and all the blogging I do (or don't do) there I thought focusing on only one blog would be the most beneficial to my time.

As 'busy' as I thought I was, life tail-spinned at the end of April.  Suddenly we found out we were expecting.  Oliver was 5 months old, and here I was, 4 weeks pregnant.  We were in utter shock.  We began worrying, but tried to remain sane.  People had 3 kids all of the time.  Certainly everything would be fine, and I definitely knew I wanted another child, I just never expected it to be so soon.

We warmed to the idea and made the inevitable first doctor's visit to confirm the pregnancy.  Jim had been out of town for business and was on his way back from Kansas City.  It didn't really dawn on me that I might not want to go to the appointment by myself.  It was supposed to go something like:

"Yep, you're pregnant.  You're due December 26th.  Congratulations!"

Instead it went something like this:

"Hmmm....I see something here.  I just want to get my partner to confirm we are both seeing the same thing.  Don't worry.  I just want to make sure that...well...sometimes very early the intestines are outside before they come inside the body, I think I am just going to grab my partner.  I don't want you to worry."

Partner comes in...

"Oh yeah.  I see it.  Hmmmm....let me look, yep I definitely see.  Here is one brain, here is another brain.  Here is one heartbeat, here is another heartbeat."

Me....
"Ohmigawd there's 2 in there!  I need my husband here.  I just want my husband!"  All while crying.  Yes, while crying.

Immediately after wrapping up my doctor and I began talking.  There was some concern.  There were 4 basic way to carry twins: very safe, mostly safe, pretty scary and conjoined.  They weren't sure where we were at on that spectrum, but they could only rule out the very safe option.  They asked us to come back in a week because things were still very early.

A week later we headed in for an ultrasound.  We saw both of them.  Moving around, doing their thing.  Definitely two little people in there.  It was surreal.  We were a little bit excited and a little bit scared.  That turned to definitely scared when we went to meet with our doctor.

The good news from our ultrasound was that the twins were not conjoined, something they needed to rule out from the first ultrasound.  The bad news was, our doctor believed them to be monochorionic and monoamniotic, in short, mono mono.

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You can start following along with us on my photography website:  www.mandymariephotography.com.

I will update family stuff as well as my photography sessions.  Basically...it will be awesome.

Mad Dash

Well baby number 2 is coming early.  Originally baby was scheduled to be here Nov. 30th.  Now the little one is coming Nov. 14th.  Needless to say we are trying hard to cross some things off our to do lists.  Seems like we have been so busy with both our jobs, Mandy's second job photography, dailly upkeep like cleaning and laundry, trying to squeeze some good quality time as a family, etc that we have not had any time for projects. 

Mandy's Dad was was able to come for 2 weekends to help with the kitchen and get the playroom going.  I should be able to finish the playroom before baby gets here.  Although I've decided I really don't like painting much.  Seems like it takes forever with so much wait time.  Mud the walls, wait to dry, replace the ceiling fan, prime the wall, wait to dry, paint the walls and ceiling, wait to dry, 2nd coat, wait again,  tape the trim, paint the trim and doors, wait again.  Tonight I should be able to get the second coat for the trim and doors.  Then all that will be left will be to put the quarter round down and stain the other side of the french doors.  Since we have moved in, I think every wall except the upstairs bathroom has now been painted at least once, almost every light fixture has also been replaced. 

Mandy has been trying to get all of her photo shoots edited and up to date, and get the house as organized as can be with a two year old in it.  So both of us have been trying to get all this stuff done, while still trying to love on Charlotte as much as possible.  I think both of us are a little concerned on how life with change with Charlotte as a family of 4 (plus 4 pets) vs a family of 3 (plus 4 pets).  I guess we will see starting on Monday. 

Halloween 2011

Charlotte chose her costume on her own this year and picked out Raggedy Ann.  I made her red hair and it turned out great

We had a wonderful Halloween season and tried to do as much as we could as a family before Baby #2 arrives.  We made it to 2 pumpkin patches, painted pumpkins, Night Eyes at the zoo, multiple farmer's markets (including the last of the season), Living History Farms Halloween event and ended with Trick or Treating this past Sunday.  

 Night Eyes

Pumpkin Painting

Living History Farms

Farmer's Market

Howell's Pumpkin Patch with Grammy and Aunt Barb

 Duck Racing with Dad

 Corn Pool with Mom

 Big Slide with Dad

We were the only ones in the pumpkin patch.  Little creepy as the sun set but tons of fun!

We have had a wonderful fall and are now eagerly awaiting the arrival of #2!

Big Girl Room

Charlotte now has a big girl room!

She had been using the crib as a toddler bed but we knew that was going to need to come to an end soon.  We have been debating what kind of bed to get her, full or twin basically.  We were checking out craigslist and came across this set.

What you have to understand is, from the time Charlotte was in the womb Jim was looking forward to the day he could get her a bed with a slide.  We ended up with an absolutely amazing deal and this bed is perfect for her room.  It still leaves her with tons of play space and she love napping under it and sleeping on it.  She is obsessed with playing in her room right now.

Puddle Jumping

My First Braid

I actually managed to french braid Charlotte's hair the other day.  I got half way down before she was done, but I considered it a success.  We went to dance class that night and she was very proud of her braid and tutu.  It was the last summer dance class until it starts again this fall.  Anyhow, here is a cell phone picture of the braid.

The next day when we took it out her hair was super crazy and she wanted to wear it down of course.  She looks like a little punk rocker.

Jim is Right

I have been CRAZY busy....too busy.  I know that building my business is worth it but sometimes I am slightly overwhelmed!

A couple weekends ago my Mom came to watch Charlotte because Jim and I had a wedding to shoot.  They went shopping and Grammy got her a Tangled shirt.  She loves Tangled.  She sings "I have a dream" so stinking cutely.  Dancing the whole time with wide spread "ta-da" arms at the end.  She also loves to say "I have long hair like Tangled".  I am not sure where she got that, but I know she is often told she has long hair so she must have put two and two together.

Here is a picture of her playing in her Tangled shirt running around on the back deck.  I can not explain exactly how much we love this girl.