Sometimes I feel like saying nothing is easier than saying something when you have too much to say. The unfortunate part about this has been that I can't seem to shake some things off that have been said or done, or certain ways that I feel. I haven't wanted to write about certain things because I haven't wanted to offend anyone or hurt any feelings.
The thing about this blog is that by writing, I am getting through what has come to be the largest obstacle I have faced. I appreciate putting it our here, for essentially everyone, because already in this short span of 3+ weeks I have been contacted on how what I have written has helped another person understand, cope, or grieve themselves. That makes my soul feel good.
The disadvantage to this platform is the same thing; it is out here for everyone. That means people I know, who may be involved in these experiences, will be reading this blog. They may misunderstand my intentions, which is to clarify with myself what I am going through, not attack anyone else. I am terrified that something, or everything, or a part of what I say will be taken incorrectly. Because of that, I keep bottling things inside, or venting to a few people about the same things over and over again. I feel like there is a knot in my stomach that may never leave.
So, here's the deal. I am going to write about what I need to write about. I am going to be honest while still being respectful. By putting my words here, they are permanent and I am not wishing to hurt anyone with my words. The goal in the end will be that everyone who is reading this blog will know in the future how to perhaps better handle a situation such as ours. The fact is, people don't know, and they are not trying to be hurtful, but in the end we are hurting because of things that are being said or done.
I promise to ask myself "will I regret writing this?". If the answer is yes, I know not to write it. I promise to think of others, and not just myself as I write my way through this journey. Some may wonder why I just haven't spoken with them about these things before spewing it on here. The fact is, talking is harder. When I write, I can consider my words thoughtfully and change things as I feel fit. I am an emotional person, it is not a secret to people how I am feeling. When you are trying to talk thoughtfully to someone but you can't check your emotions well enough to get the words out right, you fail in your message. I want my message to succeed.
So, please bear with me, and remember, reading this blog is always an option.
And because I think every blog post is better with a picture, here is one of my little guy after his first haircut from this last week. I can't believe he will be 9 months old tomorrow!